During my three and half years of commuting I have learned many things about train travel and what the unwritten rules are of commuting.
A few times I have a had the drunk sit next to me on the way home and they have continued to try and talk to me even though I have long since put my earphones in and stopped talking to them. I have had the guy that wanted to use me as a pillow.
I am not a small person but I cram myself into the seat so when someone sits next to me they can get what they paid for. Some people still manage to try and sit on my lap and it pisses me off so much, I did my part I’m not in your seat why are you sitting on me!
The Unwritten Rules
1) When queuing for the train at a certain spot on the platform, you allow the person that was there first to get on and go down the queue. There are a lot of people that do not do this, just because you have turned up late does not give you the right to push to the front. That is not how it works, you snooze you loose I’m afraid because that’s probably why you were late to the station.
2) Morning Commuters have to get up very early to get the train in the morning, they like to catch up on the lost sleep when they get on the train. Talking in anything but a whisper is not an option, you will receive many scowls if you try to have a chirpy convocation with your train friend.
3) I know some of you are very busy people and start work the minute your eyes open but we do not wish to hear your variety of ringtones every few seconds and your loud demands to your co-workers over the phone, we are trying to sleep. Also it’s nice that you have a new phone but don’t go through all the ring tones deciding what ones you want on a really loud volume. Do you want to die a horrible death this early in the morning?
4) Chavy day trippers/Chavs we do not want to hear your shitty music coming out of your phone, have you every heard of headphones/earphones? Use them you sorry excuse for a human being.
5) Ladies and gentlemen it you are going to have a domestic please save it till you get home or don’t sit together. We do not wish to know who didn’t buy the milk this morning or who made plans without telling the other, if I can hear you over my headphones you are being to loud.
6) VIB’s (very Important Bags) are a big no no, did your bag pay for a ticket? I don’t think so. The only way this is acceptable is if the train is empty and there are plenty of seats for everyone and that’s the only time. Oh and hey day trippers and holiday makers you suitcases didn’t pay for a seat either, I suggest you put them in by the door if there is room, under seats (sometimes there is a gap in between the two three seaters) or in between your legs (only if it’s a tiny suit case).
7) Talking to your captive commuting buddies is only ok under certain circumstances, these are: If the weather has changed drastically, the train is late coming into the station, being delayed while on the train, train cancellations, you know the person and they want to talk to you. So basically small talk.
8) Day trippers thinking they can take up double seats to themselves and more, they tend to get a shock when the regulars get on and mob them.
9) Eating food on the train, this is very iffy and depends on what foods they are. Any hot take away on a commuter train is usually a no no. Strong smelling foods are a big no as well and anything that rustles, that can get on everyone’s nerves.