Happy Monday!
The sun is out today which seems to give me an instant mood boost. It's amazing what little things can do to improve your mood and mental health. I will have to try and get outside at lunch, despite working in a big glass box I do not reap any of the benefits.
The good news is that despite being driven to the station all last week because I could barely open my eyes, is that I managed to get up on time and walked to the station. This is an achievement that shouldn't have to be an achievement because I am a 30 year old woman with a partner, a house and two cats that depend on me to function.
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I haven't blogged again in a while for which I am sorry but I just haven't been able to get myself to do it, to talk about myself and my life. It's Mental Health Awareness Week here in the UK, so I'm going to blog about my own mental health. I understand that my own bad mental health isn't as extreme as some people I know but it's still bad mental health that seems to be very up and down.
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The good new is that my mind is letting me write in other ways but maybe because it is fiction, it's escapism and I don't have to think about the real world. Everyone needs to escape from reality from time to time.
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I think I have been escaping a little too much recently, I'm shutting myself away mentally and physically. I'm getting anxiety about outings with friends and family, about leaving the house, almost feeling annoyed that I had said yes to these adventures.
I've found myself just wanting to stay at home, where it is safe, quiet and comfortable.
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I try to be good and do housework, clean the bathroom, vacuum the house, things like this. I haven't been able to push myself into doing what a good adult with their shit together can do every single day, week, month, year.
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The time I get in the evenings after work and the weekends are such an escape for me that I don't want to waste it doing those things. I don't want to clean, I don't want to vacuum the house, I just don't want to. I sound like a child having a tantrum but it is honestly the truth of the matter.
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I think this stems from my work life, it's not a happy one but that can't change until I get a new job and that won't happen until I push myself to keep looking.
To just keep looking.
That is all I need to do.
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I shouldn't let the rejections and the failed interviews get me even further down, I shouldn't put pressure on myself to work to a deadline that has long since surpassed.
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"Just keep looking, applying and you'll get there", people say to me and that's honestly all I can do. I can't even promise myself that the change in job will be the turning point but I promise that it will be a start.
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Thank you for reading my blog!
It has been very up and down recently, I thank you for coming back each time.I hope you all have a lovely Monday!
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